“Dear Cortisol,
Please Calm the Hell Down”
You’ve done the appointments, the needles, the meds with names you can’t pronounce.
You expected to feel relieved, grateful, maybe even victorious.
But instead?
You’re shattered, jittery, and you cry if someone asks what’s for dinner.
Welcome to the post-cancer cortisol circus.
Cortisol is your body’s stress hormone.It’s meant to help you in emergencies—like running from tigers or suddenly remembering you left the oven on.
But after months (or years) of cancer chaos, your cortisol forgot how to turn itself off.
Now it’s running the show like it’s still on high alert:
“Danger? Did someone say danger?! Release the hormones! Raise the heart rate! Hold the sleep! Stop all digestion! PANIC!”
Meanwhile, you’re just trying to make a cup of tea.
Signs Your Cortisol Needs a Holiday
- You feel exhausted but wired.
- You’ve got the emotional range of a hungover toddler.
- Sleep? What’s that?
- You cry during dog food ads.
- You try to exercise, and your body responds like you just ran a marathon… uphill… with bricks in your shoes.
“But I Survived Cancer, Why Can’t I Bounce Back?”
Your system just spent months on red alert, and now it’s like:
“We’re safe? Are we sure? Let’s just stay tense a bit longer, just in case.” It’s not your fault. You’re not broken. Your body’s just trying to protect you… a little too enthusiastically.
How to Calm Cortisol Without Becoming a Yoga Influencer
1. Breathe like a chill sloth
Slow, deep belly breaths. Bonus points if you sigh dramatically.
2. Move, don’t punish
Ditch the bootcamp. Go for a walk. Stretch. Dance in your kitchen like no one’s watching (but your pug is judging you).
3. Laugh often, preferably at yourself
Humour lowers cortisol. Watch something stupid. Text a friend something wildly inappropriate. Laugh till you snort.
4. Eat real food, sometimes with vegetables
Your blood sugar affects cortisol. So does that third coffee on an empty stomach (sorry).
5. Rest without guilt
Repeat after me: “Rest is recovery. Naps are medicinal. Pajamas at 4pm are a vibe.”
In Summary: You’re Not Lazy, You’re Rewiring
Your body isn’t failing—it’s healing. And sometimes healing looks like naps, deep sighs, and saying no to everything except toast and tea.
If you want real support (minus the pressure and perfection), that’s exactly what I do.
Let’s get your nervous system to chill—together.